A Joke That Is Sure to Offend...

(This was sent by alert reader Stanford Erickson who got it from his brother who got it from ????. I hope I offend at least nineteen readers, both Democrats and Republicans, and Greens. Actually, I am still looking for that joke.Note to Scott Bowling--I hope you find this to be pro-Republican and will remove me from your doo-doo list CP)

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into
the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and
tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her
screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and

hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from

the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings

her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A NY Times reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says,
"Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my
whole life."

"Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this
little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the
New York Times , you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the
first page. What motorcycle do you ride and what political affiliation
do you have?"

"A Harley Davidson and I am a Republican. "

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it
indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

From Delegate Virginia Clagett...

CP is pleased to provide you with the official "wrap up" to the 2008 session from Delegate Virginia Clagett. I can personally vouch that she is one great lady, a dedicated public servant with a conscience and real concern for her constituents.

Dear Constituent:

Thank you for letting me know your views on so many and various subjects during this year’s Legislative Session. Of course the Budget is the main duty of the Legislature each year. As a result of the 2007 and 2008 sessions, we passed a balanced budget with over $1.1 billion in cuts from the general fund and nearly $1.5 million in cuts from the budget overall. With these cuts, Maryland remains a low-spending State on a per capita basis.

After enormous input from the business community, the Legislature repealed the new tax on computer services that would have come into effect July 1, 2008. That sector of our economy can continue to thrive.

In the Capital Budget our votes provided for $333 million for public school construction, $262 million for higher education facilities, $40 million for environmental programs, as well as, $107.4 million for hospitals, state health facilities, senior centers and juvenile detention facilities.

All of us have been following the drastic foreclosure and housing crisis in our state as well as the nation. We passed legislation to enhance protection for home buyers and those facing foreclosures. Maryland is widely expected to become a national model in solving this mortgage crisis.

One problem that became apparent after the session started was the inability of animal shelters to keep appropriate sedatives for animals in the euthanasia process. Several of us took the lead in restoring animal facilities’ access to those necessary, humane drugs.

As you know, I am on the Environmental Matters Committee and have devoted most of my career to addressing environmental issues. This year was no exception, and the environment faired quite well. The 20 year old Critical Areas legislation got a strong boost and very much needed regulatory enhancement with HB 1253. The buffer zone was increased from 100’ to 200’ and criminal and civil penalties were appropriately increased among other measures.

The Chesapeake and Atlantic Coastal Bays 2010 Trust Fund (HB 369/SB 213) provided the framework for allocating $25 million to control non-point source pollution including projects to 1. enhance agricultural best management practices, 2. address urban and suburban stormwater methods, 3. achieve sustainable forest management and 4. help wetland and stream restoration.

Many energy bills passed that set a goal to reduce statewide energy use 15% by 2012 and to increase the amount of renewable energy sold in Maryland. The settlement between the State and Constellation energy will provide nearly $2 billion in rate relief to customers l. by providing $187 million in rate relief in a one-time $170 refund to 1.1 million ratepayers. Based on projected rates for the coming year, this equates to over a 10% reduction on the total annual bill for more than 50% of all BGE customers. 2. by eliminating a $1.5 billion consumer obligation for the cost of de-commissioning Calvert Cliffs Nuclear Power Plant and 3. by protecting $346 million in credits to ratepayers the Legislature secured during the 2006 Special Session.

With regard to social issues, HB 40, providing for flexible leave for working families, passed. Domestic partners will be able to make medical and burial decisions for each other, and they will also have the same tax benefits as married people when transferring property.

The Global Warming Solutions Act of 2008 which aimed to slash greenhouse gas emissions by 25% by 2020 and by 90% by 2050 was killed in the Economic Matters Committee. The push to reduce emissions will be back next year. This is a critical issue, and these goals are realistic and attainable.

Again thank you for your input. You do have an impact on your government, and we need your thoughts.

Sincerely,

Virginia P. Clagett

April is The Cruelest Month: FIFTH HOMICIDE of 2008

After having just reported that Baltimore has seen a record low in murders for the first quarter of this year and that Annapolis had a record four, we learn of yet another homicide.From Our Police Department:

For Additional Information Contact:
Officer Hal Dalton
(410) 268-9000 ext. 7305 ( 410) 919-7188

Lt. Brian Della (410) 268-9000 ext. 7250

April 8th, 2008

On April 8th, 2008 at 9:00 AM, the Office of the Medical Examiner ruled the death of Russell Myers Lockett III as a homicide. Specifically, the cause of death is listed as pneumonia, aggravated by blunt force trauma. Mr. Lockett was 53 years old at the time of his death, which was March 17th, 2008 at approximately 8:15 AM. A brother of his was located in Edgewater. The brother reported that as far as he knew, Mr, Lockett was homeless for about the last year of his life.

On March 15th, 2008, The Anne Arundel County Police responded to 1000 Bestgate Road for a report of an injured subject, who turned out to be Mr. Lockett. He was suffering from what paramedics diagnosed as a broken rib and a punctured lung. Mr. Lockett told officers that the night before, on March 14th at about 8:00 PM, he was attacked by an unknown suspect while he was near 80 West Street. He said that he was knocked down from behind and that he thought that the person went through his pockets before running away. He said that he had nothing of value to steal on him. He, as far as is known, did not report the attack to anyone nor seek any kind of assistance. He made his way out to Bestgate Road on foot. Employees of a nearby bank reported that several homeless people camp in the woods behind the bank. Mr. Lockett was taken to Shock - Trauma for treatment, where his condition worsened until he passed away.

When first notified of the incident, Annapolis officers checked the vicinity of 80 West Street for any indications of a crime scene. None were found. Even though the attack was said to have occurred the night before, the area was canvassed for witnesses, again, none were found.

This case is actively being investigated as a Homicide. Anyone with any information is asked to call police at 410-268-4141.

To view a picture of Mr. Lockett, please go to:

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y50/hdalton/LockettRussell.jpg

How to STEEL a Legislative Victory

We lost the global warming solutions bill in the last minutes of the 2008 session. CP joined the rallies, met with legislators and wrote on the topic. It came close to passage but a sustained effort by lobbyists using steel workers to cry "job loss" sealed its fate. Maybe next year we'll pass a similar bill.

Job loss indeed! It's the oldest scam in the anti-environmentalist tool box. CP has heard this bogus wail since the early 1970's. My personal belief is that just the opposite is true, that strong environmental protection creates jobs and furthers appropriate economic development.I remember a bumper sticker that read "If you are cold, hungry and out of work, shoot an environmentalist." How about we try "If you have no fuel or clean food to eat, clean air to breathe or clean water to drink, shoot an anti-environmentalist."

The thing with the steelworkers strikes me as especially odd. The entire US steel industry has been sliding downhill for decades and likely due to many factors. We've all watched the world's largest steelyard, that of once number-two steelmaker Bethlehem at Sparrows Point, slide into its present near ghost-town status. Was this because of "environmental protection"? There's hardly a Maryland steel industry to speak of anymore--or is there? Yet they rally to defeat a bill that might possibly have created jobs for them as well(Let's see, windmills, solar energy systems,"green" buildings, adding recycling capacity, building dikes and bulkheads...).

I guess that the slow demise of Bethlehem Steel was the fault of "environmentalists." Of course, how will anybody be able to produce any steel at that place when it's under water??? Alarmist? Certainly no more so than the steelworkers.

Let's Be Presidential......a few great quotes from the history books

NOTE: This post is biased! It reflects a disdain for a Republican president and respect for two former Democratic presidents. You have been warned.

John F. Kennedy, 1961

"Finally, to those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction.	11
We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed.	12
But neither can two great and powerful groups of nations take comfort from our present course—both sides overburdened by the cost of modern weapons, both rightly alarmed by the steady spread of the deadly atom, yet both racing to alter that uncertain balance of terror that stays the hand of mankind's final war.	13
So let us begin anew—remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.	14
Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us.	15
Let both sides, for the first time, formulate serious and precise proposals for the inspection and control of arms—and bring the absolute power to destroy other nations under the absolute control of all nations.	16
Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce.	17
Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah—to "undo the heavy burdens ... and to let the oppressed go free."

Jimmy Carter 1979

"In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We've learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.

The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next five years will be worse than the past five years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.

As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.

These changes did not happen overnight. They've come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.

We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Watergate."

George W. Bush 2001

"Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists."

Enjoy a few of Bush's best clips at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ux3DKxxFoM

OMG--A Republican (who was a Democrat until very recently) Has Been "Disappointed!"

In response to my April 7th piece where I copied and then responded to an egregiously weird e-mail solicitation/scam, I made a comment that might have offended some persons of the Republican Party.

Scott Bowling said...

Paul:

I am very disappointed in your response, while intended to be humerous, I take exception to your comment that "Maybe they'll be Republicans"

As a self proclaimed professional journalist, I would expect more of you than to make such broad and sweeping statements of hatred and bitterness toward a group of people who happen to share a different political opinion than yours.

______________________________and my reply........................

Scott:

I would expect more of me too! I sure let them Republicans off easy that time.

I don't sit down to write worrying that somebody might take offense--and I take a certain amount of risk by going after elected officials (of both parties) as well as criticizing the police chief, calling for a complete transformation of public housing, amplifying news about criminals, Judge Askew Gatewood (he's a Democrat-yes?) and others. So somehow I have offended your sensibilities?

I don't pick on any particular group, but I go after the arrogant, the haughty, the selfish, the duplicitous and the mean-spirited, which just about covers most politicians. But as an equal opportunity exploiter, I go after Democrats as well. I guess you missed the piece I just posted where I talked about the "General Robbery, er I mean Assembly" and as Republicans like to make clear, it is led and run by Democrats.

I'll prove it right now---"Hey all you Democrats, stop stealing my money for wasteful, social programs. Get tough on terrorists you weenies and quit giving the country away to illegal immigrants." And "Hey you Republicans, quit stealing from the poor to give to the rich and using the government to protect your big-money interests as you pollute and overrun the world."

Satisfied?

By the way, I think you meant to write humorous, and not humerous. Were you referring perhaps to the bone of the upper arm?(Does this mean one of us committed a boner?)

I did not make any kind of broad or sweeping statement and if you failed to see it in its humorous context, that's too bad. What I said was not full of hatred or bitterness. How could you even suggest that?

Why don't you spend your indignant letter-writing period each day exposing and challenging the vast right-wing and Republican elements of the blogosphere who employ a constant stream of vitriol, smear and hate on a daily basis? Why did you say nothing about the nasty, mean-spirited and libelous, personal attacks made against me by certain "anonymous" readers of another blog? Why do you go after me for making one funny statement?

Sorry, but you are on some kind of hypocritical, holier-than-thou high horse that I find tiresome. And one last thing, your referring to me as a "self-proclaimed professional journalist" was clearly intended as a personal attack which makes your comment all the more ironic and irrelevant, and that's putting it mildly. (Your sentence structure was also improper as it made it seem as if you were trying to say that you are a self-proclaimed professional journalist)

Thanks for reading and thanks for writing, but next time, please try some intellectual honesty and as former NFL player John Riggins uttered to Justice O'Connor, "lighten up".

Meet the New Boss...Same as the Old Boss

I found a song that just seemed so appropriate for today that I have provided the lyrics here.
Many readers will remember the great band, The Who, that is (who is?)perhaps best known for the rock opera "Tommy".
Well, since the General Robbery (er Assembly) just ended and we are on the verge of presidential election, you may enjoy this.

ARTIST: The Who
TITLE: Won't Get Fooled Again

We'll be fighting in the streets
With our children at our feet
And the morals that they worship will be gone
And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgement of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song

{Refrain}
I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again


The change, it had to come
We knew it all along
We were liberated from the fold, that's all
And the world looks just the same
And history ain't changed
'Cause the banners, they are flown in the next war

{Refrain}

I'll move myself and my family aside
If we happen to be left half alive
I'll get all my papers and smile at the sky
Though I know that the hypnotized never lie

There's nothing in the streets
Looks any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And the party on the left
Is now the party on the right
And the beards have all grown longer overnight

{Refrain}

Don't get fooled again, no, no

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

Newton's Riddle: Creationist/Fundamentalist "Science" Teacher at Annapolis High School--Part Two

On March 17, CP brought to your attention the activities of a messianic, fundamentalist, Bible-thumping teacher of astronomy and earth science at Annapolis HS named Neill Russell who just published a Bible/political/religious thriller called "Newton's Riddle" in this post:

"Are We Teaching and SELLING Creationism/Intelligent Design at Annapolis High School...and other schools?

This book supposedly foretells the future and warns the American government not to force Israel to return any of the covenanted Biblical lands. Death and destruction will be visited upon America unless America takes a certain political path. This teacher is on a crusade to save the world. He believes that he, like the protagonist in the book, is a scientist and a Christian, er a Jew for Jesus, I mean to say, who has uncovered ancient secrets and must inform the president of the US to act accordingly...or else!

It's odd how a man who was raised a Jew, becomes a messianic Christian, which he believes is the true faith and that Jesus or Yeshua really is the messiah, can become so concerned about the fate and survival of the Jewish people and Israel. I wonder if it's guilt? In his book, Israel is miraculously saved and all Jews accept Christ as their saviour! Hooray. Feel better now Neill Russell? You can have your communion wafer and bagel--and eat them too! You can assuage your guilt for forsaking your people and then justify it by saying you are really doing it to save them! What delusion.

Hey-read his book if you want to know how deluded he is. It gets weirder.

Thirty-year veteran teacher Neill Russell should have known better than to use public school students in a public school setting to appear in a video touting his book at www.newtonsriddle.com, but perhaps God, or maybe an angel told him to do it. Maybe it was a demon. After all, Russell believes that demons and angels are real and are present, influencing our lives and world events.

I know. I read his book. It was painful, but in fairness to him and to standards of journalism, I had to do it. In his book, he pretty much attacks or pities anyone who is not a Bible-believing Christian. And he reserves special disdain for liberals, atheists and Muslims (well so do I, but hey, not because they are Muslims but because they are like Christians in that they believe they have the truth and the one true faith--with apocalyptic visions to boot).

Based on CP's protestations, school officials investigated Russell and activities associated with his book. So far, at least he has removed the portions of the video that show students and staff members at AHS holding and promoting his book (or should I say "hawking" or "shilling"?).

The one thing I just really cannot understand is this business of prophecy. If there is prophecy and all history has been laid out, and as Russell believes, it can be unlocked through scripture, then there is fate and there is no free will. Yes? No? It is and it will be. Whatever God and the Bible says is going to happen-will happen! If only Satan knew this, he'd quit trying to fight God. I mean if God said it and the Bible recorded it, then it will be-yes? So then, whatever we do, it is written, decreed, and it is fate. How do we escape fate? We can't. So, what does it matter??????

That lets me off the hook. Russell may have had to write his book and I had to write this critique. Or did I? Maybe the devil made me do it????

Here's a Great Opportunity For A Risktaking Investor!

Every once in a while, CP's spam filter lets an unwanted solicitation pass through. This one was just so good, I had to share it with readers:

From; Mrs, Alice Aziz Gumel.
Lot 32 Iit 32 Rue De La Paix Marcory,
Abidjan Cote d'ivore

My Dear,

It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I and my son intend to establish in your country.Though I have not met with you before but I believe one has to risk confiding in succeed sometimes in life. I am Mrs, Alice Aziz Gumel, from ivory coast. wife of Dr,Aziz Gumel the director of a gold and diamond company in ivory coast. I have $12.mUSD which was made by my husband before she was assasinated by unknown persons in oct 2006. My husband left this money in a suspence account in a bank here in my country. I seek your permision to remmit this amount into your account so that i could come to your country for investment and to further my son studies. I want you to help me retrieve these fund from the bank and transfer it into your personal account in your country for investment purposes on these areas:

1). Telecommunication
2). the transport industry
3). Five star hotel
4). Real Estate

If you can be of an assistance to me i will be pleased to offer to you 10% Of the total fund.

I await your soonest response.
Respectfully yours,
Mrs, Alice Aziz Gumel.


Here is my response to Ms. Gumel:
_________________________
Dear Mrs. Alice Aziz Gumel:

I am so sorry of hear of the assassination of your husband. She must have been wonderful hooman being. I hope the police find these unknown persons and make them known. Maybe they'll be Republicans!

I will be pleased to help you with this money in your suspence account, which I should say, the suspence is killing me! (Ha that's a joke, nothing personal-I'm not speaking of your 'dreadful murder of course)

Okay, so when do I get my ten percent?

Sincerely,

Mr. Paul Foer
Capital Receivers for Annapolis Punishment (CRAP)
______________________

stay tuned.......

City Homicides At 23 Year Low!!

That's good news....for Baltimore. Yes, the big city to our north with its long-depressed and poverty ridden, urban core and almost third-world quality of life statistics has seen murders drop to an historic low this first quarter. Compare that to our small, sophisticated, historic state capital where we have seen a record high this first quarter.
See what The Baltimore Sun has to say and look at the graph of homicide trends at:
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/baltimore_city/bal-te.md.ci.homicide07apr07,0,7679533.story

What are we to make of such statistics?