Annapolis Capital Punishment

Police reported that a woman recently found on a floor and thought to be dead actually turned out to be the independent voter.  When police first arrived, they failed to check for vital signs or call in medical personnel. Most important, they failed to check her voter registration.

Later, as election date approached, the woman suddenly sprang to life and police identified her as the independent voter. While an investigation is underway, pundits, candidates and voters are assessing the potential outcome.

"She could make the difference in many close races" said Faith N. Ballots, an expert in voting patterns and sleep habits at Anne Arundel Community College. "This could be important in the county executive race, perhaps in District One for Congress, and maybe even Question A and the Governor's race."

But others dispute the importance and suggest that the apparently dead woman was not independent at all, just another typical, tired voter. Mary Landwins Orknott, a political scientist and cardiac monitoring specialist at the Institute for Conventional Research and Punditry Based In Government (ICRAPBIG) said that "Whoever she turns out to be, it won't matter. It never does. There is always a small self-chosen core of voters who will always vote and an equal if not larger group that will not vote. In essence, they are all asleep."

"Only negative attack mailers will wake up voters" claimed one voter who would identify himself only as Fred George Schubbie Reggie Schmoenberg. "They're all bad--all of them, down to every last stinking one of them. I'm going back to bed. And then I'll wake the dead."

However, after throwing stacks of such mailers at the apparently lifeless body, she still did not budge. Authorities are planning to have a meeting to determine when to meet to lay out a plan for figuring a course of creating lists for specific action items. Mayor Josh Cohen promised to get some of his top people on it right away.

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