Another Halloween Parable...scarier than the other??? ~ Annapolis Capital Punishment

Friday, October 30, 2009

Another Halloween Parable...scarier than the other???

Within seconds of being awakened from my afternoon nap by the lights and sirens outside, there was a loud bang on the door.

“Electoral Police. Open Up. The polls are closing in one hour and you haven’t voted” roared the officer at the front door.

Uh oh. I just remembered it was election day and I had shirked my civil duties. I threw on my pants and fumbled for my glasses.

“Open up and have your voter identity card ready. Let’s move it” bellowed the officer.

I got to the door and was confronted by a uniformed election patrolman and a woman in a dark suit.

“Why haven’t you voted today?” asked the woman in the suit.

“I meant to. I just, well I had a late night and I needed a nap and I guess I forgot to set the alarm….”

“Just look at you. You ought to be ashamed. Let’s get going.”

I showed them my national security ID card. The lady snapped it from me and motioned me to follow. I got into their cruiser and we screamed off to the polls. A crowd had lined up. Other uniformed officers were on scene checking ID cards. Plainclothes officers, like the woman in the blue suit milled about with laptops, checking lists and making phone calls.I got into line. A man glanced at me, and then another and then another voter and soon a crowd had gathered around me, their voices rising in unison.

“He’s the one. He’s the one who made it mandatory to vote” cried an elderly couple.

“Yeah, it’s all because of him that voting is compulsory” screamed a young woman with a baby. “You’re why I had to drag my child out here in the November cold to vote.”

A young couple grabbed my shirtsleeves and began hitting me. Others joined in. I yelled for help. The election police just turned their backs. One officer walked by and I screamed for him to help.

“Sorry pal. We’re just electoral police. We only enforce the compulsory voting law and it specifically states we cannot interfere with the elections other than making you vote. You’re on your own” he said as he shrugged and walked away.

“Wait! You dragged me out here. This can’t be happening to me. I’m just a regular guy. Help. Help! Please, somebody help…….”   and I awoke, startled and breathing deeply. Oh…oh…it was only a dream.

I caught my breath and counted to ten. I got downstairs, opened the door and found the morning paper (yeah this is a fantasy—people still read newspapers). I sat down to read and could not believe my eyes. The headline read “Ellen Moyer Re-elected to Unprecedented Third Term By One Vote; Thanks to Paul Foer For Not Voting”

No! No! It can’t be and I screamed and wriggled and …..there I was in bed again. Sweaty. Breathless. It can’t be. It was another bad dream—a dream within a dream. Wow.  I knew I should not have had Mexican last night.

I tried to compose my thoughts and relax. There was a loud knock on the door.

“Open Up. Police!”

I wondered again what was going on. Two tall, thin men in dark suits with sunglasses frowned when I opened the doors. They took one look and grabbed me and before I knew what was happening, I was cuffed and gagged. They unplugged and brought out my computer. They went through my papers. Then they sat me down. And there she was. Boss Ellen. She walked through my door wearing an ugly pants suit, weird dangly earrings and a hideous scarf wrapped around her neck.

She got right in my face and screamed at me. “Thanks Mr. Foer. Thanks for not voting. All because of you I’m now mayor for life. Hah! Mayor for life! Thanks to you for not voting. Hah!

"Oh No" I tried to scream but my words were muffled. "One , two, three, wake up......oooooohhhh   nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooo..."

The mayor somehow transformed herself into a green witch and before my eyes, mounted her low-carbon footprint, low emissions recycled broom and flew around my house. In a burst of strength, I struggled and set myself free and remembering Dorothy from The Wizard of OZ, I grabbed the hose in may backyard and sprayed the Green Witch as she flew around my house casting a spell to raise my property taxes (she had not yet raised the water bill this time)  She stopped in her tracks and melted away into Dale's arms only to take a long cruise far away.  I was free.

The moral is that every vote counts and you should wake up lest you be caught in another nightmare like the last eight years!

LISTEN TO CP Publisher Paul Foer on 1430WNAV at 8:15 every weekday morning.
READ CP Publisher Paul Foer's "The Ninth Ward" every Wednesday in The Capital
JOIN US EACH THURSDAY 8-9 am for our Sip N' Blogs normally at ZU Coffee, 934 Bay Ridge Road in the Giant Shopping Center. Oct 29--Dave Cordle at Zu Coffee. Nov-5th--mayor-elect? Nov 12--stay tuned. Stop by on your way to work for your morning latte and meet other local activists. Zu now has a drive-through window!


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